i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
