It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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