like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
