I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I am available for nakedness
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
