so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
