in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
