First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
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