It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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