speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize