I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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