I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
