apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
