First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
