just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
