I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize