You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
