Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
