Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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