Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
