You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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