well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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