i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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