just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
