You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just saw a hot homeless man
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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