I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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