Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
