he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
