3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize