69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
