went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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