He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
