Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
