I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
