Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
