I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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