Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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