I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
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