my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
