While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
