You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
