I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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