Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
