so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
