Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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