He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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