did you get engaged???
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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