new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
