I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
