Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
