i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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