i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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