My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
