I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
