Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
