No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
