What a fucking waste of an outfit
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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