I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize