I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
