well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
