I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
All I want is dick and wine.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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