Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize