His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
