This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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