So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
