You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
