chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Sorry my hands just texted you
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
