she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
