I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
