I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
