She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
