she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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