At least make sure they are 18
Why
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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