the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize