girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
