It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
zippers are such a cool invention
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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