Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
