i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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