just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
