Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
