her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
