Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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