god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
