So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
