why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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