What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
