Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
