And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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