Whod you bang
Your dad touched me again.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
