Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
