I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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