I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
