You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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