so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
