I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
