quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
