Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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