Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
