So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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