i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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