I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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