new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
