You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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