seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
