my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
