Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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