If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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