Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
