I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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