If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
