I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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