I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize