he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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