Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
