I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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