does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
