it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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